I have always suspected you are either a Christmas person or a New Year person. While I love Christmas I must confess to usually having to psyche myself up for New Year- not the new start, resolutions bit, I actually find all that quite refreshing and engaging- it’s the actual eve. I love a party at any time but there is something about the enforced jollity of New Year’ Eve that I find fails- I don’t seem to have all that much fun until about 2am when everyone relaxes and the fun really gets going- then it’s great sure but it’s a party like any other.
This year though something has changed and I’m very excited about New Year. It helps that I’m doing something this year that I would bite someone’s arm off to do on any day let alone New Year- but it isn’t just that, I really want to see out this year and see next with a blast. This has mostly been a good year for me and I think it deserves a good send off. My worries are really for what happens from the 1st onwards. Next year will be a big year for me. I’m in the twilight of my twenties now and though I’m very happy with myself I am not married, home owning or any of those things.
In some ways before I go down that road I want to have really achieved something. To me that doesn’t just mean flats, cars and shoes, which it seems to mean to so many people, it means something I will be proud of later. I suppose if I am totally honest because I don't know if I am going to achieve the conventional happiness- I would like to but I don't think life ends if you don't. I really don't. Sadly some people around me do and that is starting to cause some issues. The opportunity of a fresh start is wonderful but right now I feel a bit too tired to pick everything up and be relentlessly positive about all that I do and everyone I see again. It will pass as all blue days do. The restorative nature of Christmas and some time at home with family and animals is a blessing but when you come back you come back to everything being the same but this time without Christmas to look forward to.
So thank goodness for new year- a big party to blow the post Christmas melancholy away and then onwards- going not gently into 2010.
I like the idea of giving a good new year a good send off. It sounds very wonderful and mysterious what you have planned! I hope you have a lovely time.
ReplyDeleteAs for the other things, I am a few years ahead of you down the road, and it is true that some folk think marriage and children epitomises a worthy female life (mainly my mother, I think!). But I think being happy should be the main goal, whether or not that encompasses more conventional aspirations. And I don’t believe life ends either. It depends when your birthday is (the big ‘3-0’ I presume?!) but I had plenty of ‘being thirty’ woes, which started approximately 2 months before my 30th birthday and disappeared like mist the week after, leaving me all fired up and enthusiastic about what I truly wanted to be/do in life. And four years later, I still feel like that. :)
Dear darling Rose,
ReplyDeleteI am sure everything will be absolutely fine for you next year. I believe finding out what you really want in life and where you want to be are the key to true happiness. What other people say and think shouldn't influence how you set your goals, but I guess that's easier said than done (in that sense, I am in the exact same position you are in at the moment).
Lots of love and a very Happy New Year!
xx Deborah
PS: And for the other people - most of them don't own houses, cars or shoes. But they do own a big mortgage, a loan and a massive credit card bill.
Hello Jayne- sorry it took an age to reply but the big night was the flowerpot gig at the Forum and it was wonderful- I sang until I was horse and danced like a crazy person and the lyrics filled my little heart up.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your experiences- I am actually just about to turn 29 but I seem to have freak outs at strange ages and suspect I am pre doing my 30 freak out and will be fine then. I would love to have conventional type things if I find a way for it to be right- but perhaps if I haven't and don't then that means they aren't right and it's okay. It sounds like you feel the same- so on we shall go being very lucky to be able to be individuals I think
Dearest MM/ D- that was such a lovely thing to write and I am very touched! you also made me think that you are quite right of course and life is a constant battle not to feel you should have to conform with what other people feel about any of your choices- choosing not to be with the wrong person, not to live in the wrong place and all those things. I read your birthy story today which I had never read before and I thought of other friends who have had a similar fight to have the birth they want and it makes me so angry that this happens.
You couldn't be more right about the houses and cars either! I will buy somewhere but it hasn't felt right yet- and I'm an instinct girl as I'm sure you are.
Thank you again xx
Rose, it sounds like you have great compatriots here and in *real* life but I just had to chime in, having faced the issue of different goals and values from other people for most of my life ~ no problem with perfume shoes and cakes but all that marriage and home ownership stuff are totally over hyped. Good relationships and living someplace you really like are fabulous, but one really doesn't need all of the conventional forms for them. You seem to have good instincts, so if follow them, and keep on being self reflective and thoughtful as you are, you'll be fine!
ReplyDeleteI've always had my freak outs at odd ages too, just goes to prove that you're not running with the pack, brava!