Weekend homework

Your weekend homework, should you choose to accept is:

If you don't already read Mr London Street then head over there for some really sharp, funny, poignant writing (especially for Monday's post which was introduced by me- my bits aren't the funny, sharp, poignant ones).



For relaxing why now download the free Jarvis Cocker National Trust sounds- what a cool idea (although their website doesn't seem to be working this morning so hopefully it will be fixed by the weekend!).

Or if you would prefer music to sounds then Pete Roe's new EP is available for pre- order here. His music is timeless, touching and just filled with goodness. I can't wait to have some new songs of his to listen to.



Show your suppport for Portobello by signing up to Portobello rocks if you would like.



Remember to watch Ashes to Ashes episode 7 tonight or on i-player if you are as crazy about the programme as me.

For some culture I really enjoyed the magnificent maps at the British Library- and again it is free. There is also a Peyton and Byrne cafe to revive yourself in afterwards. I'd actually never been to the library before (ducks, I went to University in London, there are lots of libraries to use at the colleges, I have seen Star Wars). I actually had a funny couple of minutes when I went in and realised how much treasure was there and how important it was. I felt a bit tearful and I wanted to hug it close to me. Then I got sidetracked in the shop and started behaving more normally- but it's pretty great it's there, we are very lucky.



Have fun!

Things my Father told me when I was young

He said: you won't listen now, children never do, but I offer the advice because it's true:

Learn to play the piano when you're young, if you don't you will always wish you had (I didn't, I do)

Do something you love for your job

Start a pension when you're young

You might change your mind about religion and socialism, you might not of course

Don't drink every day (I think he meant alchohol)

Learn Chinese

Supermarket superstress

I press start

Self- service machine: Are you using your own bags?

Rose: Presses yes

SSM: Please wait for attendant to verify bags

Rose: Verify bags, WTF, I knew I should have just queued up

Rose: presses cancel transaction, because she thinks she can outsmart the computer

SSM: Are you using your own bags?

Rose: NO! Ha ha!

Rose: zaps thing- milk I think and puts it in her own, unverified bag by her feet

SSM: Says over and over again that I must put my milk in the verified bag provided in the correct position or I will be up before a supermarket compliance firing squad- or this is implied in the way it repeats ‘please put item in bagging area’ anyway (I also note the SSM's bad grammar)

Rose: puts item in bagging area- admits defeat, it’s like I am in Vichy France, I kid myself I am resisting and it's okay to let the small battles go but really we know I've given up

Rose: continues to zap and place items in regulation bag in regulation area and then selects payment type

SSM: Do you have a nectar/ club/ boots/ other card?

Rose: thinks about bothering to find it and how much longer this will take

SSM: DO YOU HAVE A LOYALTY CARD

Rose: NO! give me a chance

Rose: pays, gets receipt and then- ha ha transfers her shopping to the unverified, unchecked, unregulated bags for life- a small victory after all- I should wear a mac and beret


Pause. Has time away from shops.


The next time I go to the supermarket I decide the self- service is just too bossy and inflexible and I will go to a real person. There is a big queue, there is always a big queue. Do the British just love spending their weekends in small, metro sized supermarkets? (I guess I am here).

I get to the till. I get out my unverified bag still battling for the environment- and also because of the way the real people ask if you need a bag like they are asking if you are going to smoke a fat cigar over their newborn. The man zaps things, I pack frantically while I feel the eyes of people on me- I know they are thinking come on come on I am only getting petrol. I feel rushed, someone is now standing right next to me holding out a bottle of milk waiting to be served even though the man hasn’t even asked how I will pay.

The man: that will be £quite a lot of pounds.

I give him my card.

Pushy man looks to the sky.

Till operator: do you have a (fill in the appropriate loyalty) card?

Me: no

till operator: yes you do I can see it there

me: oh yes well er I was just trying to be quick

till guy: you wouldn’t want to miss out

other milk guy: looks ragey.

Loyalty card is swiped real card is swiped and bits of paper (why are there so many) are thrust in my hand. I frantically try and put my wallet away while milk guy starts to pay. I want to shout at him I didn’t take that long, buying 5 items isn’t a crime! I don’t want to leave the shop with my wallet out, we are in Mile End, it’s not a good idea!

That's all. There is no point in trying to fight this. They will go on charging us a premium for the metro supermarkets while making the whole experience of paying like a scene from 1984.

Walking in the morning

the penultimate walk. i will come hear again but then i will be revisiting, there will be an echo of these mornings that i won't be able to ignore that will make the steps less pure.

in a story book the sun would have shone from nowhere like it does on summer mornings when the common is awake but the city is not. when you can feel wet dew between your toes because you wore sandals, even though you knew it was too cold.

in fact it was slate grey and a little bit misty but not romantically so; the air was wet but there were no drops of rain. The grass was sticky and I slid on the mud and it made me smile and miss it already. isn't it strange that something that would have annoyed you a day before can be so touching when you won't have it anymore?

the big dog i sometimes see- the one who looks more like a horse and always wants to play and never understands when some people are scared- was not there. i wish he had been because i like to play too and i know the biggest dogs have the biggest hearts. i gave him an imaginary pat on the head and hoped he would meet new friends.

of course i wouldn't have time to have thrown a stick for him because i was late but at the time and when i look back now the minutes seemed to move slowly.

then i could hear the train and I had to hurry but there was just time to look round and look at that dearest pocket of the wild that i called home.

tomorrow will be the final day and of course on final days it is like you have already moved- it's all excitement and change and hope- and you can't imagine why you thought you'd be sad.

but today was the penultimate day and so i dabbed my eyes a little on my sleeve as my feet ran from grass to concrete and from this place to the next.

Funny things about living with people

A very happily married Mother recently told me never live alone or you will never want to live with anyone- even a husband- again. I was mildly alarmed but I do know what she might have meant- I think. I haven't lived alone yet and I haven't had a husband either- perhaps it's an only child thing but I rather like living with people- as long as I get the odd night in alone. I like that there is always someone to play with, to watch terrible TV with, suffer a hangover with, team clean with.

Still however much you love friends, housemates and even significant others they do have some idiosyncrasies don't they? You know your family from small and so until you move away you don't know that, for example, other families don't put eggs in the fridge say, or always turn the TV off at the switch.

Likewise I don't think you really know someone until you live with them- it's quite an intimate thing even amongst friends. You can't always be your best self with the people you live with, they will see you poorly, down, moody and just plain knackered- and you will see them and there is unsaid knowledge of each other that people you don't live with won't have.

So it's with affection that I mention the following slightly strange things I have noticed about other people over the years- though it might be me that is out of the ordinary.

* I have recently noticed one of the girls I live with brushes her teeth with really hot water. I found this out because ours is a mixer tap and if you flick it on you get the last position- like a shower- and I keep getting a mouthful of hot water. Now another thing I have noticed is quite a lot of people brush their teeth in the shower. I find both the hot water and the shower a bit strange, surely teeth brushing water should be done in cold water from the sink? But perhaps not- it may just be my family who do this.

* Using soap in the shower. I know this is more common but in this age of shower gel it was still unexpected to me. The first person I noticed do it was a man and I have picked up on men being bigger soap fans than women generally. I do like a well milled soap but soap is a bit like socks and tights- never the same after the first use. I find it a bit annoying having soaps bumbling around on the shower floor, trying to trip me up and cause mischief in the morning. Also those cracks that develop in the soap are a bit strange and I end up staring at them for a long time instead of having a shower.

* Not keeping ketchup in the fridge- as far as I'm concerned the ketchup goes in the fridge and that's the end of it but I seem to be in the minority and I am open minded- so I'm trying the room temperature tomato sauce- it's okay- it makes the consistency a bit strange over time though.

* Not having a drink while you eat. This goes back to childhood actually and going over to friends houses for tea. Mrs Newfriend or oldfriend or balletfriend would present lovely dinners with no drink- no tap water, not a sniff of a squash or juice, no liquid at all. I need a drink while I'm eating, it's comforting and I just do- it's fine if other people don't but I've noticed lots of people don't drink with food. Then I am like the little girl in Signs, constantly carrying around a glass of water like a comfort blanket- I am not diabetic, just thirsty I guess!

* Not eating. Now this is said with less affection and more anger. Living and working with girls of 20- 35 I would say it's horrifyingly noticeable how many have a totally unhealthy attitude to food- and actually how many of their boyfriends and even husbands well know it and just say it's a phase or it's 'sweet'. It isn't sweet to never eat solids and just live on tea, soup, wine and an occasional no fat yoghurt. It also isn't sweet to just eat 800 calories a day forever.

It's very frustrating when you prepare a normal meal, for example pasta with sauce and they look at you like you are about to eat a whole wild boar with a keg of milkshake or whatever. Or if you too have soup and they say oh what a treat to have some bread- it's not a treat it's just a pitta bread! If I were to treat myself I hope I could do a bit better- maybe run to a crusty roll with butter or something.

Questioning and exclaiming

I am so tired of receiving e-mails that are overflowing with question marks.

I think I was born about seventy years too late because I am one of those people who finds bad manners and bad punctuation genuinely upsetting (although that is not to say I am not guilty of both at times, I am of course allowed to be!).

If I receive one more e-mail saying how are you???? Or asking me if I know the location of something (???) or why someone has heard from someone (?????) I am actually going to e-mail back and say that when asking a question in a sentence one question mark is sufficient, unless you are asking something very serious... for example ‘what time are you coming over?’ only needs one question mark, where as the question ‘have you seen the alien space ship over the Thames???’ might justifiably have several question marks after it (although I personally would always say less is more with question marks).

I am constantly being barked out by both clients and people I am client too with very aggressive use of the question mark and I wonder when this started being okay? (?????)

There is also the fact of misuse of question marks. People often put a question mark at the end of what is clearly not a question sentence. For example 'I heard you had good weather?'. I think the misuse gets to me even more and has my inner spinster English teacher in tweeds almost leaping out of my chest, alien style (not that there is anything wrong with her- I might be her eventually so I try and cherish her) to snap a ruler over the author's knuckles and tell them that that is not correct use of the question mark!!! (For some reason over use of exclamation marks doesn't bother me nearly as much!)